Life is unfair

I was five and you were ten,
You shared your bike, I offered my hand.
You pushed it away, and the tears I did cry.
You were ten, I was only five.

Then came that summer you turned fifteen.
At ten years old, you were my king.
I wanted to play you wanted to date
Oh how I wished I wasn’t born so late.

Soon you were twenty and I was a teen
I wanted your love but you weren’t to be seen.
You had a job and I still had school
Why did my life have to treat me so cruel?

I’m told you’re never tested beyond what you can bare.
But life is so unfair.

Then one day it happened and I was twenty-one.
You came home for business and wanted to have some fun.
Sitting at the bar, whilst drowning my tears.
Our eyes meet for the first time in years.

You approached me and smiled, and you asked me to dance
Am I finally getting my long waited romance?
You held me close as we danced the night away
Then our first kiss at the break of day

You invited me home, so I offered my hand
This time you took it, oh my happiness so grand.
We made love all day, my feelings so strong
But when the phone rang, I knew something was wrong.

“Yes dear, no dear, I miss you, I’m lonely.
I’ll be home in the morning”
In a moment’s time, my life was crushed with pain
All I heard was my heart as you tried to explain.

I’m told you’re never tested beyond what you can bare
But my life is so unfair.

How could you do this, we’ve known us so long
How could my judgment of you be so wrong?
The rejection as a child was easier to take
If only I wasn’t born five years too late

I’m told your never tested beyond what you can bare but life is so unfair.

There is no turning back

Here am I, lying in the dark. Thinking where did I went wrong. Wandering to and fro, I cannot change the bold fact that my conscience has done nothing to change the fact that I am weak. I let my friends down, turn away from them. My life has changed. I do not know why. I tried so hard to get out of danger, but I always get myself in trouble. Damn! I would like to live a quiet life. Why am I being haunted by these wolves?

They already get everything out of me, now what do they want?

I’m still here, trying to collect the broken memories of my past. Running away. I just can’t wake up from this nightmare. I regret this whole life of mine. I just wished I didn’t have myself get involved in this manhole. I tried to stay away, but they keep on haunting me. The trauma of being hurt by a person stinks. It would not let out of my mind. It will never leave me alone.

I’m sick and tired of being a puppet for the syndicate. After they used me, they will just dispose me like a rotten trash. I tried to please them, but I’m tired of following their wrongdoings.

They kill people for a living. They punish people who do not follow what they please. I tried to stop them once, but I paid the price, big time. They tried to kill me, but they’ve decided to give me another chance. It’s so ironic that people like them would give me another chance. They used me more and more, and I wanted to get out.

I was hurt. Damn, it hurts when you know you let people down. I would have been different if I had made the bold move of fighting their wrongdoings. It sucks when you know that you have to hide the truth when behind it, it stinks worse than a dead rat. It sucks when you are blanked, when you know that in any wrong move, you’re gonna get killed.

It’s over. I’m sick and tires of running away and pretending. I’m tired of hiding the stinking trash they try to hide. You know, this life is a game of using. You are good in manipulating other people. You will succeed in your aspirations. You don’t need conscience to survive. But me, I’m tired. The time is on. There is no turning back..

Poignant

It was till the cold morning
When I realized that I was crying
Just going with the cold breeze of air
And thinking that sometimes life is so unfair

There is a wrong notion
The evil kaput is in motion
Pretending that everything is good
Covering her image with a hood

Suddenly I’ve come to realize
That those things should be finalized
Fighting is not always wrong
Especially when you know where you must belong.

Fragile

Corrupted between nowhere and paradise
Taken, stolen from a golden, hidden womb
Alone, alienated from wounding eyes
Abducted from a solemn, welcome tomb

An existence forced upon to live by
A being, cursed by its own soul to guilt
The bitter fruit of concealed tears, a sigh
An immaculate heart drenched in filth

Walking with no definite destination
Shooting the moon with no focus or aim
Searching for a slight sign of retribution
And falling off a cliff is just the same

Floating in mid-air, I am nearly dying
I took out her heart and watched it stop beating…

Remorse

I am living in a world
Of plastic smiles and recorded laughter
Where a teardrop turns purple
As it escapes the eye
Where no one is true
To the world He keeps
Damned to be unknowing
Of the evils of the earth He walketh
I am cursed to be a slave
Of my own pretentious guilt
To hide this cowardice
Before all of my unsaid fears
I am ashamed of myself
Of the avarice surrounding me
Of the melancholy of love
That flows with blood from my soul
My heart is heavy with burden
From the hunger of my core
To the vileness of my being
Bitterness grips me from inside
For there is no foothold to support me
My soul cries out for emptiness
To what is left, within, without

The NEW FaceBook LayOut

I was surprised when I first logged in to FaceBook today!
We’ll there’s this notification box on top about the new layout.
I think it was nice though I am used to the old one..

Fair change.

Though it took some time for me to find the log-out link. Lol

Unhanded Letter

The moment you read this, I will be a thousand miles away from you. I know you wouldn’t even care and I’m not really sure what would happen to me out of that. Look, I have no intentions of pestering you as you say you have a busy schedule. There’s just something I wish to convey before I finally let go of this feeling, move on, and live my life.

I don’t really give out letters like this to those people I fancy, it always seems so easy for me to talk to them and give them a piece of my mind. I just couldn’t figure out why I find it so difficult to have a word with you regarding this matter. I know I started this whole insane thing at the wrong foot.

What I thought at first was just a big joke turned out to be something that devoured me. I didn’t have any idea that it was going to eat me whole. Had I known, I shouldn’t have indulged myself unto it. I thought I was in control, something I’m used to all the time. And when I noticed that I wasn’t and that I’m slowly slipping away from my typical controlled self, it scared the hell out of me. YOU scared the hell out of me.

So I went back to my usual routine: going out, meeting new people, and trying to enjoy their company – to keep my mind off you. But I should have known better. It is useless, utterly futile… all in vain.

I often wonder what it is with you that make me feel this. You make me feel all those stupid mixed emotions all at the same time. And it is then that I figured out that I am in deep shit. I have my pride. I have been trying to conceal it to everyone, to you, and even to myself. I know what our friends are like. They’ll surely make a big laugh out of me. I can already see them with their eyes wide open as if I have just said the most absurd thing. See, it has always been a conscious effort to be cool whenever you’re around, to act as if nothing happened, to be left unnoticed. It wasn’t easy, I swear.

But I’m only human. I also get tired. I’m tired of pretending that I don’t care at all. Tired of using that nonchalant façade every time I hear them talking about you, or hear them talk about something that reminds me of you.

What we had was not something substantial, I must admit. I don’t even know what your last name is, which school you come from, or even your favorite color. But I know that for the short span of time that I have known you, it‘s pure bliss. And for that, I want to thank you for the incredible memories that would forever be etched within, memories that would bring out the best smile in me as I reminisce. Please don’t get me wrong here. I don’t intend to attract attention from you. I don’t even expect anything from you after having this. I just feel the need to do this, for myself, for no other reason but to put you all behind me.

I loved you, this I’m certain.

So, thank you for taking the time to read this… if you really did. I have just unloaded something that has eaten most of my time lately. Somehow, I feel a lot okay now. I’m looking forward to seeing you again. And when that time comes, I will be ready to befriend you… without pretensions.

It will be better that way.